I know, I know. It’s immature. After a certain age no one should be settling their differences or handling certain matters via violence.
But I kind of miss it. Being that reckless. Not caring about the consequences. Being able to let the rage out for a little. Not wondering if my actions were justified.
Just feeling like “I don’t like this bitch, I’m dragging her. I’m not finished until I hear sirens.”
I miss that option of being able to fight when my fight or flight syndrome kicks in and the adrenaline courses through my veins.
I kind of wait for the day when my patience won’t be enough. Where I’ll take the gloves off again and I need not handle anything with finesse. I wonder what it will take. I wonder who it will be that will drag me across that line from passive to aggressive again.
That will make me say “Fuck everything, square up.”
Sometimes you just get tired of walking away. You get tired of being dormant. You get tired of talking. You get tired of being walked all over. And you just need to swing.
i know this feeling all too well.